It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
