If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
