Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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