I'm eating all of the evidence.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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