Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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