Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize