i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
