What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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