I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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