lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
