Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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