Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
