either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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