My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
