There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
