Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
