On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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