my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
