I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize