Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
