Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
