is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize