Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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