first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
