Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
