If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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