please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
