Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
