i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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