you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize