you win again, gameday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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