Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
