I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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