Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
