is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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