my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
