ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
