remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well you can't waste a boner
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
