um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
