i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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