i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
