The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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