You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
