And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
