Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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