omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
