You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
