Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
