I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
