I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
