She said her name was "party"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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