You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
