I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Drunk is not a location!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
