and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
