Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
