I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sober January is a disaster.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
