Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
