the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
