ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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