He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize