I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
