should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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