the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
