saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
