I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
