Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
