Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
barbara walters just said penis...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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