shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
