so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
