if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
