3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
