Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
