You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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