i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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