Don't make out with my wife yet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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