I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
