I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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