Just fell off a train. Bad.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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